Where is it?
Begfest is held in rural north Bedfordshire. We’ll send you a map and directions with your tickets.
When does it start?
Gates open at 1pm, with music starting straight away. There is continuous music spread across two stages throughout the day.
You can be as camp as you like at Begfest. Our camping facilities ( free !! ) are second to none. Yes we give preferential pitches to nuns. Its an old habit of ours. You are welcome to camp it up for free but please note YOU MUST BOOK A PITCH as space is limited. Book your pitch through the contact form as early as possible. Camping is not permitted on the farmland adjacent to the site and should be restricted to those areas clearly marked by the Begfest team. Whilst you will not be shot for trespassing we will make a booking for you in our sustainable yoga retreat and administer a cleansing organophosphate enema to remind you of the country code. Please bring the smallest possible tent / yurt / winnebago / treehouse etc possible to maximise the potential space for your fellow Begfesters. You will have exclusive use of some grass, a thistle, two earwigs, the magnificently appointed toilets and a shower ( when main stage not in use). Remember this is free so please reciprocate the hospitality by taking your rubbish, children, empties and so forth home. If you wish to make a donation in return for your pitch – then feel free !!!
This year liveried flunkies will not be available to cater for your personal hygiene requirements ( Upper tier Uber VIP Platinum Ticket holders only ) as the Presidents Club spoilt that little caper. Having dispensed with hostesses for our sanitary arrangements, we must now insist on the following EU restrictions to prevent difficulties in the event of an emergency evacuation. ( ! )
- Only bags 22 x 22 cm may be taken into the ablutions and must be kept in the overhead racks at all times.
- A lifejacket can be found under the seat in case of overdevelopment of local flood plains during the course of the day.
- Those wishing to be seated together can book their seats in advance for an additional fee
- Reading material is not permitted in the ablutions, except Fab Tarts reviews and they are there for a purpose.
In seriousness, our sanitary facilities are provided with the finest vitreous china facilities and hot and cold running water. The facilities are decorated with a fine fresco, redolent of the sissssssstine chapel. It is anticipated that our four-dimensional Turdis will be back from wherever it has been in time for your particular requirements.
The shower facility will, as usual, be available for all your showering needs. As per last year, bookings for the Sid James memorial peephole can be made by signing the register in the vestry. Please do not photograph the entries in the visitors book as we don’t want to embarrass the Mayor.
Southern Rail season ticket holders may still use the shower facilities, but please only do this very intermittently and all at once. Those of you who have been waiting since last year will have priority and possibly a free bottle of water.
There will of course be the usual high quality range of burgers, sausages and legendary pulled-pork rolls, as well as a limited supply of vegetarian alternatives – If they haven’t all been declared dangerous by obsessive government scientists. Here we see our BBQ team resting after a hard days foraging in preparation for your culinary pleasuring. As you can see they have so far collected two baskets of provisions and two small children in unfeasibly large hats. Of course, the children are nothing to do with the barbeque itself – heaven forfend. They will of course be held ransom for a short period until someone sponsors the charcoal supply. If you would like to sponsor our charcoal supply, please get in touch via the Contax page otherwise the charming little moppets are off to the workhouse quicksharp.
Last year we showed the heroic BBQ Team rushing to respond to the infamous German naturist chilli-relish incident in 2014. Here we show them rushing back.
Afternoon Tea and Cake Stall
Lovely chunks of homemade cake and cups of tea or coffee will be available during the afternoon and early evening. A limited quantity of gluten free items will also be available.
Photo: Here we see Mrs Trellis ( standing back row looking glum) and the ladies of the Datpole & Stuloe District Vest Beating Team preparing to beat out this years Begvest, which will form this years high -tech stage backdrop. Its nice to see Mrs Trellis being so helpful this year, albeit still somewhat glum.
The Jim Marshall Memorial fully licenced bar
We have a fully licensed bar stocked with barrels of real ale, artisan ciders, pimms, wine, lager and a range of soft drinks. You’ll even find packets of crisps for sale. The Prosecco last year was particularly vintage – so we drunk it. There will be more this year served by our experienced bar staff. At our special bar the spirits serve you ! Please note our polite but firm request not to bring your own alcohol supplies on site as these are formally licenced premises for the duration of the event. All our bar prices are very reasonable and contribute significantly to our charitable donation. What we are in effect asking is that you spend your money over the bar and not Baldi or Widdles or Fesco or the like where the profit doesn’t go to charity but to shareholders, fat cat directors, tax, the despicable EU and other worthless causes run by sweaty palmed money grabbing accountancy consultancy practices and their sticky palmed friends. Our profits all go to saving people and generally doing really really nice good things…….There, that should make you feel better about spending money over our bar.
Dogs and Children and Miscreants
Well behaved dogs and children are welcome. Please remember the behaviour of dogs and children is the owners responsibility and both should be fed, watered and toiletted regularly. Neither should be allowed to howl or whine. Do not leave small children in locked cars while you exercise your dog. The Begfest team are not responsible for the behaviour of your children. This is not because we are lacking the talents of the Krankies or the Chuckle Brothers – It is because they are your children. Please remember that there are potential hazards on the site and that the surrounding fields are part of a working farmland and are strictly off limits to all. The organisers quite naturally and in a friendly and charming kind of way reserve the right to ask you to leave the site if you fail to follow these basic principles. Please do not let little ones stand too close to the P/A and ear defenders are a good idea for the very young ones. Likewise, grown ups who do not show a modicum of respect for the premises and persons contained therein will be cordially invited to Foxtrot Oscar and never return. Our apologies for having to include this stentorian warning this year, but we must be particularly aware of the Country Code. Remember, some poor sod has got to clean up after you.
Helmut the German Naturist
Helmut has re-invented himself as a YouTube pundit and now hosts and comments on Begfest videos ( youtube: Begfest Archive). More updates on the life and loves of Helmut to follow.